Top 10 List of attainable resolutions

This year, resolve to . . .

1. Gain weight.

At least 10 pounds

2. Watch more TV.

We’ve been missing some good stuff!

3. Read less.

Makes you think

4. Procrastinate more.

Starting tomorrow

5. Personal goal: bring back disco

6. Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1,000 feet

7. Not swim with pirhanas or sharks

8. Associate with even more annoying buyers and sellers

9. Wait around for opportunity

10. Resolve never to make New Year’s resolutions again!

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